The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…

Poems about Poker at the world's largest poetry site. Ranked poetry on Poker, by famous & modern poets. Learn how to write a poem about Poker and share it! And, apparently, many people have something to say about poker. From inspirational to true to obscure to funny poker quotes, and everything in between, take a look at these best quotes about poker. To make it a bit easier to navigate, I’ve divided these quotes about poker into these categories: Inspirational quotes about poker; Funny poker quotes. Funny poker quotes you've heard I do not remember whom it was said, and the literal text I don't remember but I really liked it. 'If the fish got to draw from that you will be betting nothing has.

I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.

Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.

How do you become a millionaire through gambling? Start as a billionaire.

I’m going to an Abba themed poker night. The winner takes it all.

Lost money betting with with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah.

Did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.

I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.

I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.

I used to love eating chips until I got barred from the casino.

I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half past three.

Walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds on that?

A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gamboling problem.

Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.

Reto Poker Humor

Last week’s snooker jokes are here.

If you like these gambling jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.

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Last night I got thrown out of a casino… apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table.

In Vegas they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there.

I’m going to the casino tonight. I hope I break even. I need the money.

I had nothing to do, so just for a laugh I went to the casino. In three hours I’d laughed away my car.

Poker Face Humor

What is the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years the dog quits whining.

What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it!

Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs (ok that was lame).

Poker Humor Cartoon

The wife of a doctor called the casino to get her husband paged. They refused. The house doesn’t make doctor calls.